Bridging Differences Playbook: Research-Based Strategies for Positive Dialogue

1 Learn research-based strategies to promote positive dialogue and understanding Bridging Differences Playbook 2 1 22 bridging Differences Playbook An Invitation Page 4 What This Playbook Is—and Why It Matters Page 6 Before You Begin Page 8 What “Bridging” Is . . . and What It Isn’t Page 9 The Benefits of Bridging Page 12 How to Use This Playbook Page 14 Bridging Personas Page 16 Guiding Principles Page 18 Reflecting on Your Practice Page 19 01 02 03 Table of Contents 3 bEFORE YOU TRY IT Now that you’ve learned more about this skill, think about where and how you could apply it. How might it already show up in your life or work—for instance, in a close rela- tionship or work in your community—and where could it come in handy? Be specific. AFTER YOU TRY IT Then, after you’ve had the chance to try it out, consider these reflection questions: • How did it feel to practice this skill? What, if any, posi- tive impact did it have on you or others? • What was difficult or challenging about it? What barri- ers did you face in applying it, and what other barriers do you anticipate in bringing it into another part of your life or work? • What was unclear about it? What questions do you have about its steps or its overall purpose? • How might you improve upon it? Is there anything you’d suggest adding, revising, or removing in order to make it feel more relevant or effective? • In what situations—in your personal life, work or com- munity—could you imagine using this practice in the future? Skills and Strategies for Bridging Differences a. INTRaPERSONaL (Skills to practice on your own) i. Assume Good Intentions Page 22 ii. Practice Mindfulness Page 26 iii. Expand Your Activities, Expand Your Views Page 30 iv. Seek Counter-Stereotypical Information Page 34 v. Focus on Individuality, Not Group Identity Page 38 b. INTERPERSONaL (Skills to practice with others) i. Listen with Compassion Page 44 ii. Put People Before Politics Page 48 iii. Perspective Taking and Giving Page 52 iv. Find Shared Identities Page 56 v. Understand Values Page 60 vi. Try Self-Distancing Page 64 c. INTERGROUP (Strategies for bringing people together) i. Create the Conditions for Contact Page 70 ii. Identify Common Goals Page 74 iii. Focus on Solutions, Not Identities Page 78 Resources Page 82 05 04 4 An Invitation to Bridge Differences 01 5 R Recent surveys suggest that partisan divides in the United States are on the rise. The resulting polarization has widespread effects: It can harm our personal relationships, spark violence motivated by racial or religious prejudice, and even undermine our democracy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a growing movement of individuals and organizations—Bridge Builders—who are working to foster more constructive dialogue and understanding across group lines, bringing us together at a time when so many forces are pulling us apart. Bridge Builders close the psychological gaps between Us and Them, encouraging others—and themselves—to recognize that their differences don’t need to define or divide them and that they can disagree with someone without dehumanizing them; instead, they work to promote empathy and understanding, find common ground when possible, and identify shared goals and values. At UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center (GGSC), we are mixing science and storytelling to both illuminate and support the important work of Bridge Builders across the country. Drawing on cutting-edge research and insights from trailblazing programs, our Bridging Differences program is highlighting the key skills and strategies for overcoming divides. This Bridging Differences Playbook shares lessons learned from our work. Bridging Differences Playbook 6 What Is the Bridging Differences Playbook? Under our Bridging Differences program, we have reviewed decades of scientific studies, interviewed dozens of leaders, and surveyed the landscape of relevant programs. From this work we have collected enduring wisdom and best practices for bridging political, racial, religious, or other divides. It has led us to identify a set of skills and strategies that support positive dialogue, relationships, and understanding between groups or individuals. The Playbook synthesizes these core skills and strategies. For each of the 14 skills that we identify, we first briefly explain the main steps involved in how to practice it. Then we explain why and when this skill is useful and offer caveats to keep in mind when you try it out. Finally, we cite research that supports this skill and organizations that use it in their work, along with other resources where you can learn more about it. We have organized the Playbook’s skills into three main categories: 1. intrapersonal skills that you can try on your own, to build your capacity for more positive interactions with other people and across groups; 2. interpersonal skills to make those interactions go more smoothly; and 3. intergroup skills that you can use when bringing other people or groups together—these skills are especially relevant to leaders or facilitators trying to guide others toward better interactions and deeper understanding of one another. Taken together, these skills are not supposed to constitute a formal curriculum or rigid list of requirements. Instead, we offer them as a set of flexible principles that people can adapt and apply in different settings, from public debates and political discussions to our most intimate relationships. They can serve as the backbone for a new initiative or help to explain why an existing program already works. Not every skill is appropriate in every circumstance. Like players on a basketball court, sometimes you have to dribble, and other times you have to shoot. 7 We also recognize that this collection of skills may evolve over time, keeping pace with new findings from the research and new innovations in the field. But for now, we believe that it offers a strong foundation. We are confident that the more we practice these skills, the better we’ll get at bridging differences. We know that the work of bridging differences can feel daunting, and it’s

why an existing program already works. Not every skill is appropriate in every circumstance. Like players on a basketball court, sometimes you have to dribble, and other times you have to shoot. 7 We also recognize that this collection of skills may evolve over time, keeping pace with new findings from the research and new innovations in the field. But for now, we believe that it offers a strong foundation. We are confident that the more we practice these skills, the better we’ll get at bridging differences. We know that the work of bridging differences can feel daunting, and it’s not often clear where to start; that’s what this Playbook is for. Indeed, each entry is a springboard to further exploration, and we identify a number of organizations throughout the Playbook that can help you go even deeper. Given the urgency of this work, we hope it gives you the confidence and tools to take an important first step toward overcoming divisions and divides, whether within families, between groups, or across our nation. Bridging Differences Playbook 8 Before You Begin 02 9 Before you dive into this Playbook, we want to clarify a few important aspects of bridge building and what it means to be a Bridge Builder. bRIDGING IS NOT abOUT PERSUaSION; IT IS abOUT UNDERSTaNDING The true goal of bridging differences isn’t to convince the other person of your viewpoint or even necessarily to build consensus. “Bridging work is not a sneaky way to convert people to your ideological position,” says Reverend Jennifer Bailey, founder of the Faith Matters Network and co-founder of The People’s Supper. Instead, the heart of bridging work lies in trying to understand someone else’s perspective, even if it’s not your own. While you might not share their views, you don’t dismiss them; you dig deeper to try to appreciate where those views came from. This requires asking questions and a willingness to suspend judgment. bRIDGING REcOGNIZES cOMMON HUMaNITY Bridge building does not mean that you always find common ground or compromise. You may disagree with another person, sometimes vehemently. But the key is that you don’t dehumanize them in the process— you never reduce them to a caricature or see them as somehow less worthy of health and happiness than you are. Indeed, bridging starts from recognizing that another person or group has their own human needs, tastes, values, goals, and worldview, just like you do. Without that basic recognition of your shared humanity, constructive dialogue—to say nothing of problem solving—is unlikely to happen. Bridging Differences Playbook What “Bridging” Is . . . and What It Isn’t 10 bRIDGING REQUIRES MODESTY aND HUMILITY To bridge differences, you usually need to start by accepting that you don’t have all the answers or a monopoly on the truth. This is especially important because bridging often involves contact between people from different cultures or communities. You probably won’t get very far in your bridge-building efforts if you presume that your own tradition or story is definitely the right one; that’s true whether you’re talking about major historical events or your own family’s history. bRIDGING IS NOT aLWaYS REVOLUTIONaRY; IT’S SOMETIMES abOUT SMaLL SHIFTS While bridging differences might mean overcoming a history of conflicts— personal or political—or forging an alliance between once-opposing groups to work toward a common goal, it sometimes centers on more modest shifts. That may just mean setting an intention or an openness to more change down the line. “Bridging is sometimes just putting a flag in your land that says, ‘I’m working on it,’” says Rodolfo Mendoza- Denton, a professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and a faculty advisor to the Greater Good Science Center. “Sometimes that’s the job of the person who bridges, to make small incremental changes.” bRIDGING INVOLVES INNER WORK, NOT JUST acTION When we think about bridging differences, we usually think about grand gestures or breakthrough conversations. But the truth is that much of the work happens before those events ever take place. To make them possible, we often need to cultivate the right mindsets and psychological approach—and that’s something we can (or must) do on our own. That’s why a substantial portion of this Playbook is devoted to intrapersonal skills—things you can practice on your own, to build your capacity for more positive interactions with other people and across groups. Bridging Differences Playbook 11 bRIDGING IS NOT WITHOUT RISK Bridging often involves taking risks and exposing vulnerability. You may risk having your overtures rejected, and you may often need to express feelings of hurt, anger, or disappointment. Perhaps most of all, when you truly try to hear someone else’s views, you risk being changed or influenced by what you hear. “That willingness to be transformed is also a necessary part to do authentic bridging work,” says Rev. Bailey. “I don’t think you can walk away from a bridging scenario, particularly when you’re bridging differences, and remain exactly the same.” NOT EVERYONE SHOULD bRIDGE Partly because of those risks, it’s important to recognize that not everyone can or should be a Bridge Builder, or feel compelled to build bridges in every situation—the work of bridging should not be done by demand. It’s ethically dubious— and, research suggests, often counterproductive—to ask people to bridge differences when they’re being discriminated against or otherwise denied social power. Before they’re Bridging Differences Playbook ready to bridge, some must heal from personal trauma. As we’ve suggested above, bridge building shouldn’t be used as a tool of persuasion or coercion, especially not to consolidate power in order to attack or oppress others. It’s about expanding one’s sense of commonality with others, not about constricting them to adopt your worldview. So while we hope this Playbook is a useful tool for many, we recognize that it’s not for everyone. 12 What Are the Benefits of Bridging? Bridge building is vital to healthy relationships and healthy institutions. And it helps counteract the trends toward greater polarization that we have been seeing for years in the United States.

we’ve suggested above, bridge building shouldn’t be used as a tool of persuasion or coercion, especially not to consolidate power in order to attack or oppress others. It’s about expanding one’s sense of commonality with others, not about constricting them to adopt your worldview. So while we hope this Playbook is a useful tool for many, we recognize that it’s not for everyone. 12 What Are the Benefits of Bridging? Bridge building is vital to healthy relationships and healthy institutions. And it helps counteract the trends toward greater polarization that we have been seeing for years in the United States. Polarization is not the same as disagreement about how to solve public policy problems; those disagreements are natural, even healthy, in a democracy. Polarization is about more than just having a different opinion than your neighbor about certain issues. Polarization occurs when we refuse to live next to a neighbor who doesn’t share our politics, or when we won’t send our children to a racially integrated school. Research suggests that polarization affects families, workplaces, schools, neighborhoods, and religious organizations. It stresses the fabric of our society. Antagonism might feel necessary in conditions of injustice. But being aware of the price we all pay for polarization might motivate us to reduce it, before the worst effects take hold. Here’s a few reasons why bridging differences is beneficial for our lives and society. • It improves our health. Research has found that individuals who harbor racial prejudices and fears experience elevated levels of stress and other physiological responses that, over time, can wear down their muscles and damage their immune systems. • It strengthens families. A recent study found that Thanksgiving dinners were significantly shorter in areas where Americans share meals across party lines. The effect was worse in areas with heavy political advertising. The researchers estimated that 34 million person- hours of cross-partisan discourse were eliminated in 2016 thanks to this polarization effect. • It makes us smarter. Studies have found that when people with different backgrounds or beliefs work together, they make better decisions and solve problems more creatively than more homogenous groups do. • It reduces violence. In polarized situations, we stop seeing people in competing groups as human 13 beings—and that is very dangerous. Since the 2016 election, hate crimes have risen and more Americans seem to be endorsing the idea of intergroup violence. • It’s good for the bottom line. When organizations convey to their employees that they have a shared fate—meaning that they’re all going to succeed or fail together as a group—diverse teams are more productive and creative than homogenous ones. • It supports good government. On issue after issue, Americans are closer to agreement than they appear, but polarization prevents us from seeing that and passing effective legislation. Researchers have noted that the 112th Congress, for instance, passed fewer laws than any Congress stretching back to the 1800s. By getting past intense partisanship, our political representatives are more likely to get things done. Bridging Differences Playbook 14 How to Use This Playbook 03 15 B Bridge Builders don’t come in a single form or model. Some work as mediators or lead groups devoted to cross-group understanding; others are K-12 educators, local politicians, workplace managers, or leaders of faith-based groups or other community-based organizations. They span ages, neighborhoods, and backgrounds. They broker difficult conversations at the holiday dinner table and suggest solutions with broad appeal at a community town hall. Similarly, there’s not a single “right” way to use this Playbook. That said, we realize that the amount and variety of its content might feel overwhelming. So we put together a few “personas” to convey different types of Bridge Builders, each encompassing their own constellation of practices. Bridging Differences Playbook This isn’t an exhaustive list of personas, but they represent many of the people we’ve met during our Bridging Differences initiative. We hope it expands your notion of what a Bridge Builder looks like and provides inspiration for how to use some of the Playbook’s strategies in combination with one another. 16 THE EXPLORER Might use these Playbook skills: • Expand Your Activities, Expand Your Views • Counter Stereotypes • Assume Good Intentions The Explorer bridges by exposing themselves to new situations that allow them to interact with different people and perspectives. They’re curious and adventurous. They don’t shy away from putting themselves in the potentially uncomfortable position of meeting diverse people. They attend public meetings, rallies, or other events where they’re likely to encounter people different from themselves. THE cONNEcTOR Might use these Playbook skills: • Identify Common Goals • Identify Shared Identities • Focus on Solutions The Connector hopes to “connect the dots” among people with differences. They’re great collaborators and systems thinkers who can recognize patterns. They have an intuitive ability to sense how people with different strengths and weaknesses can come together and establish common ground. Bridging Differences Playbook 17 THE MEDIaTOR Might use these Playbook skills: • Practice Mindfulness • Try Self-Distancing • Listen with Compassion The Mediator knows how to stay calm and composed in moments of conflict. They can regulate their emotions and don’t get riled up when they hear something that contrasts with their beliefs or offends their sensibilities. They can listen from “above the fray” rather than rushing to a response or judgment. THE SEEKER Might use these Playbook skills: • Perspective Taking • Understand Their Values • Focus on Individuality • Put People Before Politics The Seeker is constantly learning about new perspectives and stories. They defy judgment by asking questions like: What’s your story? They don’t let someone’s identities or ideologies define them. They get to the root of who someone is by inquiring about their upbringing and values. ?? ?? ?? Bridging Differences Playbook 18 As you begin using the Playbook, and perhaps even try on some of these personas, we offer a few guiding principles. • center on your intentions. Ask yourself why you’re bridging and be honest about whether your intentions