How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving

Grief touches every person and every family in our community. When someone we care about faces loss, we often struggle with what to say or do. Death doula Meredith Wilson Parfet helps us understand how to better support each other during these difficult times.

Parfet became a death doula after losing her 23-year-old sister to an accidental overdose. Through her training at University of Vermont Medical School and work with hospice patients, she learned that grief comes in many forms. People grieve the loss of loved ones, but also the end of marriages, careers, or homes. "You had a whole series of beliefs about what your life was like, and then something happens, and it's never the same again," she explains.

Our current approach to grief often fails our community members. Most employers offer only 1 to 5 days of bereavement leave - not even enough time to plan a funeral. Policy expert Joyal Mulheron calls this an "invisible public health crisis." Her research shows that 80 to 90% of incarcerated youth experienced a death event just before being incarcerated. We are locking up grieving children instead of supporting them.

Actor Andrew Garfield shows us a different way. When he talks about losing his mother to cancer, he says: "I hope this grief stays with me." He celebrates his mother's memory while acknowledging his sadness. This helps us understand that grief isn't something to fix or hide - it's love with nowhere to go.

Simple actions make a difference in our community. Instead of saying "they're in a better place," we can say "I'm thinking of you and your loved one." We can offer specific help like bringing meals or helping with errands. Most importantly, we can listen without trying to solve or rush the healing process.